Prof. Pandu : Hello, everybody! I am glad all of you are here. Please meet my pal 'Globe-trotter Gopal I' call him! To others he is known as Gopal, explorer, inventor, industrialist, so on and so forth.

Gopal : Gentlemen! Professor Pandu always takes a peculiar pleasure in tickling me... We were of the same educational institution ...

Prof. Pandu : .... which means that Gopal the great, stopped his education at the High School itself .... refused to enter the college .... Am I right ...?

Gopal : .... and blunt ... and incomplete ....! It is true, Professor that I did not enter the college ...

Prof. Pandu : May I correct your grammar Mr. Gopal? Do not say, I did not enter - the correct form is, I could not enter ...

Doctor Damu : You are so merciless ... But Mr.Gopal, we are quite used to Professor Pandu's moods and methods .... so we won't attach much importance to his words ....

Advocate Ansari : Nor are we much enamoured of a college degree ...! There are many eminent men who have not entered the portals of a college.

Gopal : Thank you, Doctor! Thank you! But the taunts of my friend the Professor, are sweet, delicious... always!

Advocate Ansari : But decorum also should be there ....

Prof. Pandu : Well! Well! Well! I am so glad, Gopal, that you have made a sweeping victory over my friends here, at the first shot .... splendid ... Well can you exclaim as Julius Caesar is reported to have exclaimed, I went, I saw, I conquered....

Doctor Damu : Enough of your stuff, Professor! Let us get the benefit of hearing something from our friend. You say he is a globe-trotter ...! Should have therefore a rich store of facts and figures ....

Prof. Pandu : .... or fancies and fantasies! Any how Gopal! I do not want to rob you of your victims; they are so willing ... so go on .... bang! Unfold your experiences...

Advocate Ansari : We could have even arranged for a special lecture ... a sort of 'travelogue' .... had we been given proper notice...

Gopal : Oh! No! I am not the proper person for delivering a lecture !... More over, it is through chit-chat, intimate talks, that much real stuff could be had, rather than through a prepared speech....

Prof. Pandu : I agree with you .... entirely! Talking about lectures, are you familiar with the anecdote, about a lecture...

Advocate Ansari : What anecdote are you referring to, Professor? You have familiarised us with a cart-load of anecdotes......

Prof. Pandu : Cart-load, Sir! I do not certainly deal in hay or fire-wood and such other stuff. What an uncouth word, Mr.Ansari, cart-load......We talk about cart-load of hay.....and basket-full of fruits.....

Doctor Damu : Well, Professor! Are you going to allow Ansari, to put a brake to the current of your thought. Ignore him, Sir! And enlighten us about that anecdote......

Prof. Pandu : You are right Doctor! I was referring to the anecdote about a lecture. Once in an University an eminent professor was invited to deliver a lecture about 'Snakes in Iceland'......
Advocate Ansari : .........what a curious theme......!

Prof. Pandu : That was exactly the reason why there was an unusually large gathering that day. Research scholars from far and near gathered in that hall......

Advocate Ansari : there was pin drop silence. The Professor was profusely garlanded, there was the welcome address .... Professor! You can cut off all these items.....

Prof. Pandu : They did not Sir! They did what all is expected on such a solemn occasion. All of them were anxiously awaiting the Professor's discourse. Came he with that monocle for which he was so famous, and with a broad smile said, "Ladies and Gentlemen! There are no snakes in Iceland!" And after that he got down from the dais, resumed his seat, ......

Doctor Damu : How funny! What did the audience do.......?

Prof. Pandu : The audience? They roared and roared with laughter.....

Advocate Ansari : And the Professor?

Prof. Pandu : He saluted them all and strolled away from the hall.....


Gopal : It is said and with much reason, that of all people, it is the Britisher who relishes dry humour ....... and my friend the Professor as you all know, is a Britisher, outside the isles!

Prof. Pandu : There is nothing derogatory in that, Sir! Absolutely nothing. As a matter of fact I do not shun or under-rate western thought at all......But I do not ape the West.....rather I tap its resources......unlike some others......

Gopal : None forgets the fact that the West cultivated, the scientific spirit. Every phenomenon is analysed with precision and directness. Nothing is taken for granted......

Prof. Pandu : Admirable! This scientific spirit!! But where has it led the West......? Two world wars.....and right now poised for a third......

Advocate Ansari : You cannot accuse the West, this time. It is China of the East which is the menace today......for world peace......

Doctor Damu : ........and they have blasted the Hydrogen Bomb......

Gopal : That was almost a slap on the face of those who were saying that China is engaged in an experiment.......in making the Chinese get a full life, a fresh life and a new life........

Prof. Pandu : It was Sun Yat Sen who was engaged in that New life......not the present - day rulers........these men are preparing to make a war on humanity..........

Advocate Ansari : No civilised nation would have acted in the manner, they did at Peking.... . ...Our embassy people were jeered and booed, harassed and hunted, kicked and slapped.....

Prof. Pandu : Chinese war-mongers are playing the bully......but when determination is shown, they retreat......just as the sound from the whistle of the hunter, makes the wolf seek some hiding place.......

Gopal : The Chinese are dogmatic......they believe in militarism......the speeches and writings of their leader bear ample testimony to that.

Prof. Pandu : But Militarism never pays, Sir! Never. There are ample illustrations for this. The Militarism of Bismark and Kaiser, the Nazism of Hitler, and the Fascism of Mussolini, what was the fate awaiting these tenets?

Advocate Ansari : But can we take comfort in that thought.....and sit idly when the dogs of war are unleashed.....

Prof. Pandu : None but the cranks advocate that policy......and it is no policy at all. We should tackle the problem and declare war.......

Advocate Ansari : Declare war? We......? Why......? How........?

Prof. Pandu : As is usual with him, Mr. Ansari is jumping into some conclusion ....... and that the wrong one.......Sir! I was stating about the declaration of war......not on any country ..... but a war against ignorance, poverty, squalor and the like. A hundred Mao's lurk there.....these are the cesspools from where the germs of warfare are nurtured. The burden on poverty, the exploitation of illiteracy the extreme selfishness of the privileged, the mental confusions, the frustration ..... these, Sir, are more dangerous warmongers. They are the fifth column, ready and ripe to fall into the lap of any aggressor......

Gopal : In the West, this war has been waged successfully and the glaring inequality we find here, is not to be found there ...

Prof. Pandu : ..... Unfortunately that is the impression that is gained by globe-trotters. They look at the glamour, not the gutter that is there .... Sir! Globe-trotters should be aware of what scientists term as optical illusions...

Gopal : Do you mean to say Professor, that countries over there have not driven out and away poverty and squalor.

Prof. Pandu : Sir! I do not commit that error. I give due credit for the remarkahle progress they have made ... the material progress.... I am consious of their affluence, science, progress, neon lights, mini-skirts and all that .... But mere material progress without corresponding, human values social ethics, is no use!

Gopal : Oh! The usual argument ... that the West is materialistic and the East is spiritualistic! That is old old stuff Professor! None pays a penny for it
now-a-days.

Prof. Pandu : No, Mr.Gopal! Flippancy is no substitute for logic. I am not, as you seem to think, a victim to prejudice ... No! I am but looking at the other side as well.

Doctor Damu : But Professor! you seem to be contented with what we find in the East.... in our country especially.

Prof. Pandu : No. Doctor! No! I am not unaware of the state of society here .... in the East. On one side fabulous wealth and fantastic poverty, sacred cows, snake-charmers, drains, mass defecation in the open, naked 'holy' men, the stench in the third class railway compartments, bugs, cockroaches, mosquitos, astrologers,... these are the frescoes here .... I am painfully conscious of that ....

Advocate Ansari : And so you do not belong either to the East or to the West.....

Prof. Pandu : This is too serious a matter, Sir! In an illuminating book, this state of affairs is admirably depicted ....

Advocate Ansari : And with what conclusion ....?

Prof. Pandu : Sir, In the 'Unquiet Grave' that is the name of the book, it is stated that 'while the West required a dose of Christian softness, the East needed a muscular communism'.

Doctor Damu : Professor! I entirely agree with that solution .... We need .... a push and a pull .... and they need a pause and phase .....

Advocate Ansari : But how could this happen?

Prof. Pandu : Sir! There are people who make this happen, people who watch things happen, and people who don't know anything did happen ....

Advocate Ansari : Professor! As usual you are having a dig.....me the target as usual.... You think that I have gathered no knowledge at all, all these years....

Prof. Pandu : Sir! I admit you know many things .... Very many things .... but you need, if you will permit me to say a bit of weeding. Truely it has been stated that a man's knowledge and his garden should be kept trim by constant weeding...

Doctor Damu : Mr.Gopal! We wanted very much to hear your talk.... but unfortunately, we went on drifting ...! Next time ... you will of course give us the pleasure of your company and experiences.

Gopal : Sure! But anyhow I have enjoyed the 'talk' of my friend. He was always like that .... always analytical. We used to dub him as 'Doubting Thomas', in our school days.

Prof. Pandu : But, Bacon it was who declared, that if we begin with certainties, we shall end in doubts; but if we begin with doubts and are patient in them we shall end in certainties...

Advocate Ansari : Professor Pandu! You know that I never take your taunts seriously. But this time, I refuse to allow you to have your own way......Sir! You said, and that with a twinkle in your eyes, that I need some weeding! Explain, Sir! I charge you with the offence of insinuation...! What do you mean by weeding.

Gopal : Possibly, constant pruning, ..... washing away unwanted facts, be clean and clear......

Prof. Pandu : The last is the best ..... clean and clear ....

Advocate Ansari : You are adding insults Professor! Please be polite for once, and explain what you mean exactly by the word, 'weeding' ..... for I am sure you have chosen that word, with a purpose....

Prof. Pandu : You seem to be an adept in the art of thought reading. Let me admit, that I purposely chose that word .... wanted to offer a friendly advice.... and Sir! I would respectfully submit that weeding is very necessary and very urgent too.... and the name of that weed is, Balu the Banker. Unfortunately I have no time to give more details to you Gentlemen! At our next meet I shall speak more about that ... and no use Mr. Ansari, just fretting and foaming. Let us disperse, before the explosion ... Yes! .....

(Home Rule - 25-6-1967)