Prof.
Pandu : Hello, everybody! I am glad all of you are here.
Please meet my pal 'Globe-trotter Gopal I' call him!
To others he is known as Gopal, explorer, inventor,
industrialist, so on and so forth.
Gopal : Gentlemen! Professor Pandu always takes a peculiar
pleasure in tickling me... We were of the same educational
institution ...
Prof. Pandu : .... which means that Gopal the great,
stopped his education at the High School itself ....
refused to enter the college .... Am I right ...?
Gopal : .... and blunt ... and incomplete ....! It is
true, Professor that I did not enter the college ...
Prof. Pandu : May I correct your grammar Mr. Gopal?
Do not say, I did not enter - the correct form is, I
could not enter ...
Doctor Damu : You are so merciless ... But Mr.Gopal,
we are quite used to Professor Pandu's moods and methods
.... so we won't attach much importance to his words
....
Advocate Ansari : Nor are we much enamoured of a college
degree ...! There are many eminent men who have not
entered the portals of a college.
Gopal : Thank you, Doctor! Thank you! But the taunts
of my friend the Professor, are sweet, delicious...
always!
Advocate Ansari : But decorum also should be there ....
Prof. Pandu : Well! Well! Well! I am so glad, Gopal,
that you have made a sweeping victory over my friends
here, at the first shot .... splendid ... Well can you
exclaim as Julius Caesar is reported to have exclaimed,
I went, I saw, I conquered....
Doctor Damu : Enough of your stuff, Professor! Let us
get the benefit of hearing something from our friend.
You say he is a globe-trotter ...! Should have therefore
a rich store of facts and figures ....
Prof. Pandu : .... or fancies and fantasies! Any how
Gopal! I do not want to rob you of your victims; they
are so willing ... so go on .... bang! Unfold your experiences...
Advocate Ansari : We could have even arranged for a
special lecture ... a sort of 'travelogue' .... had
we been given proper notice...
Gopal : Oh! No! I am not the proper person for delivering
a lecture !... More over, it is through chit-chat, intimate
talks, that much real stuff could be had, rather than
through a prepared speech....
Prof. Pandu : I agree with you .... entirely! Talking
about lectures, are you familiar with the anecdote,
about a lecture...
Advocate Ansari : What anecdote are you referring to,
Professor? You have familiarised us with a cart-load
of anecdotes......
Prof. Pandu : Cart-load, Sir! I do not certainly deal
in hay or fire-wood and such other stuff. What an uncouth
word, Mr.Ansari, cart-load......We talk about cart-load
of hay.....and basket-full of fruits.....
Doctor Damu : Well, Professor! Are you going to allow
Ansari, to put a brake to the current of your thought.
Ignore him, Sir! And enlighten us about that anecdote......
Prof. Pandu : You are right Doctor! I was referring
to the anecdote about a lecture. Once in an University
an eminent professor was invited to deliver a lecture
about 'Snakes in Iceland'......
Advocate Ansari : .........what a curious theme......!
Prof. Pandu : That was exactly the reason why there
was an unusually large gathering that day. Research
scholars from far and near gathered in that hall......
Advocate Ansari : there was pin drop silence. The Professor
was profusely garlanded, there was the welcome address
.... Professor! You can cut off all these items.....
Prof. Pandu : They did not Sir! They did what all is
expected on such a solemn occasion. All of them were
anxiously awaiting the Professor's discourse. Came he
with that monocle for which he was so famous, and with
a broad smile said, "Ladies and Gentlemen! There
are no snakes in Iceland!" And after that he got
down from the dais, resumed his seat, ......
Doctor Damu : How funny! What did the audience do.......?
Prof. Pandu : The audience? They roared and roared with
laughter.....
Advocate Ansari : And the Professor?
Prof. Pandu : He saluted them all and strolled away
from the hall.....
Gopal : It is said and with much reason, that of all
people, it is the Britisher who relishes dry humour
....... and my friend the Professor as you all know,
is a Britisher, outside the isles!
Prof. Pandu : There is nothing derogatory in that, Sir!
Absolutely nothing. As a matter of fact I do not shun
or under-rate western thought at all......But I do not
ape the West.....rather I tap its resources......unlike
some others......
Gopal : None forgets the fact that the West cultivated,
the scientific spirit. Every phenomenon is analysed
with precision and directness. Nothing is taken for
granted......
Prof. Pandu : Admirable! This scientific spirit!! But
where has it led the West......? Two world wars.....and
right now poised for a third......
Advocate Ansari : You cannot accuse the West, this time.
It is China of the East which is the menace today......for
world peace......
Doctor Damu : ........and they have blasted the Hydrogen
Bomb......
Gopal : That was almost a slap on the face of those
who were saying that China is engaged in an experiment.......in
making the Chinese get a full life, a fresh life and
a new life........
Prof. Pandu : It was Sun Yat Sen who was engaged in
that New life......not the present - day rulers........these
men are preparing to make a war on humanity..........
Advocate Ansari : No civilised nation would have acted
in the manner, they did at Peking.... . ...Our embassy
people were jeered and booed, harassed and hunted, kicked
and slapped.....
Prof. Pandu : Chinese war-mongers are playing the bully......but
when determination is shown, they retreat......just
as the sound from the whistle of the hunter, makes the
wolf seek some hiding place.......
Gopal : The Chinese are dogmatic......they believe in
militarism......the speeches and writings of their leader
bear ample testimony to that.
Prof. Pandu : But Militarism never pays, Sir! Never.
There are ample illustrations for this. The Militarism
of Bismark and Kaiser, the Nazism of Hitler, and the
Fascism of Mussolini, what was the fate awaiting these
tenets?
Advocate Ansari : But can we take comfort in that thought.....and
sit idly when the dogs of war are unleashed.....
Prof. Pandu : None but the cranks advocate that policy......and
it is no policy at all. We should tackle the problem
and declare war.......
Advocate Ansari : Declare war? We......? Why......?
How........?
Prof. Pandu : As is usual with him, Mr. Ansari is jumping
into some conclusion ....... and that the wrong one.......Sir!
I was stating about the declaration of war......not
on any country ..... but a war against ignorance, poverty,
squalor and the like. A hundred Mao's lurk there.....these
are the cesspools from where the germs of warfare are
nurtured. The burden on poverty, the exploitation of
illiteracy the extreme selfishness of the privileged,
the mental confusions, the frustration ..... these,
Sir, are more dangerous warmongers. They are the fifth
column, ready and ripe to fall into the lap of any aggressor......
Gopal : In the West, this war has been waged successfully
and the glaring inequality we find here, is not to be
found there ...
Prof. Pandu : ..... Unfortunately that is the impression
that is gained by globe-trotters. They look at the glamour,
not the gutter that is there .... Sir! Globe-trotters
should be aware of what scientists term as optical illusions...
Gopal : Do you mean to say Professor, that countries
over there have not driven out and away poverty and
squalor.
Prof. Pandu : Sir! I do not commit that error. I give
due credit for the remarkahle progress they have made
... the material progress.... I am consious of their
affluence, science, progress, neon lights, mini-skirts
and all that .... But mere material progress without
corresponding, human values social ethics, is no use!
Gopal : Oh! The usual argument ... that the West is
materialistic and the East is spiritualistic! That is
old old stuff Professor! None pays a penny for it
now-a-days.
Prof. Pandu : No, Mr.Gopal! Flippancy is no substitute
for logic. I am not, as you seem to think, a victim
to prejudice ... No! I am but looking at the other side
as well.
Doctor Damu : But Professor! you seem to be contented
with what we find in the East.... in our country especially.
Prof. Pandu : No. Doctor! No! I am not unaware of the
state of society here .... in the East. On one side
fabulous wealth and fantastic poverty, sacred cows,
snake-charmers, drains, mass defecation in the open,
naked 'holy' men, the stench in the third class railway
compartments, bugs, cockroaches, mosquitos, astrologers,...
these are the frescoes here .... I am painfully conscious
of that ....
Advocate Ansari : And so you do not belong either to
the East or to the West.....
Prof. Pandu : This is too serious a matter, Sir! In
an illuminating book, this state of affairs is admirably
depicted ....
Advocate Ansari : And with what conclusion ....?
Prof. Pandu : Sir, In the 'Unquiet Grave' that is the
name of the book, it is stated that 'while the West
required a dose of Christian softness, the East needed
a muscular communism'.
Doctor Damu : Professor! I entirely agree with that
solution .... We need .... a push and a pull .... and
they need a pause and phase .....
Advocate Ansari : But how could this happen?
Prof. Pandu : Sir! There are people who make this happen,
people who watch things happen, and people who don't
know anything did happen ....
Advocate Ansari : Professor! As usual you are having
a dig.....me the target as usual.... You think that
I have gathered no knowledge at all, all these years....
Prof. Pandu : Sir! I admit you know many things ....
Very many things .... but you need, if you will permit
me to say a bit of weeding. Truely it has been stated
that a man's knowledge and his garden should be kept
trim by constant weeding...
Doctor Damu : Mr.Gopal! We wanted very much to hear
your talk.... but unfortunately, we went on drifting
...! Next time ... you will of course give us the pleasure
of your company and experiences.
Gopal : Sure! But anyhow I have enjoyed the 'talk' of
my friend. He was always like that .... always analytical.
We used to dub him as 'Doubting Thomas', in our school
days.
Prof. Pandu : But, Bacon it was who declared, that if
we begin with certainties, we shall end in doubts; but
if we begin with doubts and are patient in them we shall
end in certainties...
Advocate Ansari : Professor Pandu! You know that I never
take your taunts seriously. But this time, I refuse
to allow you to have your own way......Sir! You said,
and that with a twinkle in your eyes, that I need some
weeding! Explain, Sir! I charge you with the offence
of insinuation...! What do you mean by weeding.
Gopal : Possibly, constant pruning, ..... washing away
unwanted facts, be clean and clear......
Prof. Pandu : The last is the best ..... clean and clear
....
Advocate Ansari : You are adding insults Professor!
Please be polite for once, and explain what you mean
exactly by the word, 'weeding' ..... for I am sure you
have chosen that word, with a purpose....
Prof. Pandu : You seem to be an adept in the art of
thought reading. Let me admit, that I purposely chose
that word .... wanted to offer a friendly advice....
and Sir! I would respectfully submit that weeding is
very necessary and very urgent too.... and the name
of that weed is, Balu the Banker. Unfortunately I have
no time to give more details to you Gentlemen! At our
next meet I shall speak more about that ... and no use
Mr. Ansari, just fretting and foaming. Let us disperse,
before the explosion ... Yes! .....
(Home Rule - 25-6-1967)